Raise the Roof.

It happened.

6 months after getting my SARPE installed, it’s been removed.

I’ve been looking forward to this day for just about every day it’s been in place. It’s awkward to talk, awkward to eat, and just awkward to have in your mouth.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m beyond thrilled I had the procedure done. My cross-bite is fixed, my braces are in place, and all will be right in Trish’s dental world here shortly.

I was running a bit late for my appointment and deathly afraid they wouldn’t be able to see me because I missed my time slot. Luckily, against my greatest Monday fear, they were there. The orthodontist plopped me right in place and got to work on removal.

“Don’t worry, it will feel like your teeth are breaking, but they aren’t.”

Wait, what? No.

No wait…it kind of does. They were as gentle as could be, but with bonding in place and a metal torture device installed for a good six months, it definitely made a home there. I heard cracking, felt pulling, and pretended like I was Bill Murray from Little Shop of Horrors.

The whole removal process took about five minutes total. They laughed when I asked if I could keep it, but I was only half joking. This thing is tribal art and should be worn as a token of triumph! At least they let me take a photo…

I know, right?

I know, right?


I should have kept this for Halloween.

I should have kept this for Halloween.

Maybe it’s too gross to post online, but I don’t currrr. I wore this for six months, you can live with it for six minutes.


Tinsel Teeth

Part two of my mouth saga continues. This week I journeyed into my orthodontist’s office for the bottom set of braces. It’s best to get my bottom teeth exactly where they need to be, in order to help my top set along.

I’ve been trying to embrace this whole ordeal as some sort of delayed adolescence, so I’ve refused to to get worked up about anything or research the process endlessly like I’m prone to do.

What to expect:
– Polish and mouth grit (much like the dentist)
– UV lights (much like the nail salon, but on your teefuses)
– Bondo (yuck!)
– Brackets (glued to your teeth…wha?)
– Bands (in all colors imaginable)
– The feeling of something stuck in your teeth (for instance…braces)
– Itchy Teeth (from tooth movement and metal items adhered to your mouth)

To be honest, it’s not all that bad. I’m not keen on the idea of being Metal Mouth for the next 1.5 years, but I do look forward to being the brightest smile in the room (whether it’s from the reflection of metal remains to be seen).

I can’t complain though, this is after all, a first world problem: The bruised ego of a working professional adult who can afford dental care. Besides, if you haven’t heard, this look is all the rage in Asia.

Shuper Shweet.

Two weeks ago, for the first time in my life, I was put under for surgery.

It all started a few years back when I visited the orthodontist to address my slight crossbite and minor crowding. I thought it would be easy. I could snap in some Invisalign trays and be on my merry way.

Unfortunately, upon closer professional inspection, my orthodontist informed me that he could fix my mouth, but would have to perform surgery. *sunk*

Did I mention the visit was two weeks before my wedding? No way was surgery happening now.

What did happen was that life got in the way, as well as home renovations, and baby creation. 2.5 years later and life finally opened up a “convenient” window of opportunity to undergo surgery, because let’s face it, is there ever a convenient time to have your jaw mutilated?

Long story short, I had to undergo SARPE surgery (surgically assisted rapid palatal expansion). Because I’m an adult (boo) and my bones are solidified and no longer growing (boo) and I have to have my gums peeled back and my upper jaw severed in multiple places (multiple boos). Next, they affix a rapid palatal expander thing-a-ma-bob torture device to my teeth for several months. Every night my loving husband has the extreme pleasure of inserting a key and turning the contraption so it widens my upper jaw. And yes, there have been plenty of jokes and innuendos involving keys, holes, and difficulties between the two.

Insert this for instantaneous coolness and popularity.

Insert this for instantaneous coolness and popularity.

I was pretty excited about the whole process and finally having it done. Smiling should feel easy and natural and not something I should be self-conscious about, so at the age of 31, it was about damn time. The worst part about it all, other than the cost, was the recovery. Like I said, I’ve never been put under before and had no idea what to expect.


Notice lack of teeth in photo?

Notice lack of teeth in photo?


Two days after surgery.

Two days after surgery.

My face had swollen to unknown proportions. Eating consisted of liquid items and Percocet. For the first 48 hours I regretted my decision and wondered how I could let my vanity get the best of me.

But here I sit, a little over a week later. My face is back to normal, my food intake is almost back to normal, and my speech pattern is nowhere near normal. Yet, I’m once again excited about the process. I can’t wait to grin like a mother effing chesire cat when this is all done and over with. After 31 years, what’s a few more months?

1 2 3 4